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Bullying

THE 'NO BLAME' METHOD

BULLYING IS SOMETHING EVERYONE KNOWS AND / OR HAS EXPERIENCE WITH. 
THAT IS WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS AND GIVE SOME BACKGROUND INFORMATION. 
YOU CAN DO THIS INDIVIDUALLY, BUT ALSO IN CLASS / GROUP. 


MAYBE NOT EVERYONE FROM THE GROUP FEELS COMFORTABLE TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS. 
IN ANY CASE: NEVER PUSH SOMEONE TO ANSWER IF THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE IT. 

CYBERBULLYING

Be My Superstar is about cyberbullying. This is a specific form of bullying online, but often has an enormous impact of the victim, because a lot of it stays hidden for outsiders. Because almost everyone has access to a smartphone / the internet, this has become a very easy manner of bullying someone. This can have an effect on the entire group, not only on the victim or the bully. 

The exercises below can be done both individually or in group. Never force members of the group to answer questions if they don't feel like it. Let everyone write on a small paper if they feel like sharing their thoughts (YES) or if they rather not discuss this (NO). When someone indicates NO, please respects his / her wishes. 

GROUP EXERCISE

Propose these 4 theses one by one before the group. Everyone has to answer 'YES' or 'NO'. Do this by raising your left hand for YES and your right hand for NO (you can write YES or NO on your hands), or by picking one side of the classroom (left: YES, right: NO). 

  • Bullying goes away on its own. 
  • By being bullied, you become stronger. 
  • Being bullied is your own fault. 
  • We don't bully in our group. 

Basically, it is very simple: the answer to all of these theses should be 'NO'. Bullying doesn't go away on its own, it doesn't make you stronger to be bullied, it is not your own fault and it happens in almost every group.  

BULLYING OR TEASING?

It is important to understand the difference between bullying, teasing and argueing.

Bullying is when you harass someone on a regular basis, for a longer period of time, and by which you physically or emotionally hurt your victim. There is a difference in power between the bully and the victim, the victim feels unable to do something to stop the bullying. 

Teasing is shorter in time and happens among two people with equal power. The 'victim' is not a victim, but can stop the teasing when he feels it's not funny anymore. Or he/she can tease back. The term 'teasing' is also used to minimalise 'bullying' by the bully. 

Argueing is something you can easily solve, in. most cases. Brothers and sisters argue all the time.  There is no power difference, and it goes away as soon as the problem is solved.

 

GROUP DISCUSSION

We will now propose four new theses to the group. You can answer by writing the answers on a small piece of paper, or by standing on opposite sides of the classroom (left: YES, right: NO). Let the discussion begin! 

  1. Someone who is bullying someone else, should be punished for this. 
  2. You can bring a stop to the bullying by organising a good conversation between the bully and the victim. 
  3. The bully and the victim are the only ones who are able to stop the bullying. If you are not involved, there is nothing you can do. 
  4. The teacher or the leader of the group (or anyone who is neutral in the group) is best able to come up with a solution to end the bullying. 

 

ADVICE 

  1. Punishing the bully is never the solution. When the bully is punished, he / she might come back even harder at the victim. It is more important to make the bully realise the damage he / she is doing to the victim, and to look for a proper solution together. 
  2. There are rarely only two people involved in the bullying. Most often, the entire group knows what is happening. Some take part in the bullying pretty actively, some are only passively engaged in the bullying. Those who are not acting upon the bullying, are also keeping the situation as it is. This means bullying is always a group problem, not just the issue of one bully and its victim. That's why you have to discuss these issues with everyone involved in the group. 
  3. The best solutions to bullying, come from the people in the group. As a group leader or teacher, you can try to make the conversation go smoothly, but the group will have to indicate possible solutions. 

NO BLAME METHOD 

The advice written above, is based on the 'NO BLAME METHOD'. This method of dealing with bullying is often used in schools, but also in youth movements and other groups.

 

GROUP EXERCISE

Read the introduction about the NO BLAME METHOD. Do you think this method actually works? Do you agreed with it? What are its strenghts and weaknesses? What would you do differently?


NO BLAME METHOD

The NO BLAME METHOD follows 7 different steps. This will help group leaders / teachers / ... to resolve situations of bullying. The key thing about the method, is to make sure everyone in the group feels comfortable with it, because bullying is a group problem. The group should come to action. That's why in the NO BLAME METHOD: 

  • no one is punished
  • empathy is encouraged
  • responsabilities are shared
  • problems are solved together

7 STEPS AGAINST BULLYING

GROUP EXERCISE

Think of a situation in which a victim is bullied for some reason. Connect this imaginary situation with the 7 steps of the NO BLAME METHOD. 

 

STEP 1 / START WITH A CONVERSATION WITH THE VICTIM

  • Ask the victim what is going on. How is he / she experiencing the situation?
  • Explain the victim how you would like to resolve the situation, explain that no one will be punished and ask him / her if he / she agrees with this. 
  • Discuss together with the victum who has to been in the discussion group. Also discuss what can be discussed in this group, and what is too sensitive. 
  • Make sure the victim knows that he / she can rely on you for support. 

 

STEP 2 / THE DISCUSSION GROUP COMES TOGETHER

  • Bring together a group containing the bully / the bullies and some others people form the group who don't take part in the bullying. 
  • The victim is not a part of the discussion group. 

 

STEP 3 / EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM 

  • Tell the group that someone is experiencing a problem with the group and is not feeling well Tell them that you want to resolve the situation so the victim will feel better.
  • Don't talk about the details. Don't accuse anyone.

 

STEP 4 / SHARE THE RESPONSABILITY 

  • Make sure everyone knows that no one will be punished and that everyone feels safe. 
  • Ask all members of the group to think about a solution. They are in closest contact with the victim and are therefore best positioned to think about a way to deal with the bullying. 

 

STEP 5 / ASK FOR IDEAS / PROPOSALS FROM THE GROUP 

  • All positive ideas are welcome. Even 'doing nothing' is a possible answer. 
  • Ask the group to bring concrete solutions to the table. Ask them to speak from their own point of view: what will you do? 
  • If there are some concrete ideas, write them down. 

 

STEP 6 / GIVE THE GROUP THE RESPONSABILITY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM

  • Only the members of the group are capable to solve the situation. Give them the confidence that they are able to do this.
  • Tell them that in one week, you will talk to them personally, to see what they have done to make the situation better.
  • Make sure they know they can also come to you for advice. 

 

STEP 7 / TALK TO THE MEMBERS OF THE GROUP 

  • Is the victim feeling better? Did the bullying stop?
  • Does everyone think that the situation is better? 

If the victim indicates that he / she is still not feeling good in the group, discuss what else you can fo. Maybe you have to do some of the steps again to reach a result. Maybe you have to indicate a new discussion group.

With No Blame you assume that it does not help anyone if you see bullying as "abnormal" or "bad". The bully should be given the opportunity to acknowledge that there is a problem, get help to understand the pain and misery he is causing and be able to act differently. You can only achieve that if you approach the bully on the basis of trust.

Sometimes a bully works alone, but usually there is a group of bullies, helpers and spectators. This makes bullying a group problem in which the group has a great responsibility. It is the group that supports and allows the bullying. It is also the group that has the power to report and condemn this behaviour. If a bully no longer receives support from the group, his behavior will become less interesting, he will no longer benefit from it.

 

GROUP EXERCISE

Finally, some more theses to think about / discuss in group.

  • You can never justify the bullying, but you can try to understand it. We might not want it, but bullying will always be a part of our human interactions. It is a 'natural' reaction. 
  • So you remember a time in which you didn't intervene when someone was bullied? Do you feel bad about this?
  • Have you ever consciously avoided someone's presence by pretending you hadn't seen that person?